Find Me (2014)

find-me-2014-andy-palmer

“Before boxes are unpacked in their new home, newlyweds Tim and Emily find themselves playing a very creepy game of hide and seek with a vengeful spirit.” — IMDb

Oh man. It’s not very often that I watch a movie that seems to have NO redeemable qualities… but sometimes it happens. I was flipping through Hulu one night recently and came across Find Me, director Andy Palmer’s full-length film debut. I love checking out directors’ and actors’ debuts — it’s not uncommon to find awesome gems that way — but oof, this wasn’t one of those times.

It starts off by giving us a dark flashback to Emily’s (Kathryn Lyn) childhood, which is… mildly creepy at best. Fast forward to present time and Emily and her husband Tim (Cameron Bender) are moving into their first home, which is a stone’s throw from the town Emily grew up in. Weird things start happening in the house and, somewhat uniquely, they assume right off the bat that it’s a spirit. Oh, okay. So then begins a series of odd happenings, most of which conveniently happening while Tim is off at work, and yet Emily seems barely spooked by any damn thing.

There’s lots of scenes and aspects in the movie that are meant to be creepy but just played as cheesy to me (the music box, the spirit writing “find me” in the fog on the bathroom mirror, the seance that their friend Claire attempts which was just downright funny), and then some that really warranted more attention (like the ghost of her twin just straight up having sex with the husband and that is NEVER addressed beyond him saying “I just saw the fucking ghost”!?!!?).

The fact that Emily is SO quick to assume their house is haunted, but not to assume it might be connected to the disappearance and death of her twin seems pretty inconsistent to me. Also, I know not everyone is as forthright as me, but you wouldn’t tell your husband at SOME point in your relationship that you had an identical twin sister who went missing when you were a kid? I really NEVER buy it when this is done in movies.

Then we start actually SEEING the twin and… yikes. Those scenes are painful to say the least. I mean, since she went missing as a child, we couldn’t have a ghost who looks like a child? Nope, we’ve got a fully grown woman wearing a little dress and pigtails. And then the ending is the most predictable thing ever predicted. Just… save your time and go watch something, ANYthing, else!

Rating: 1/10 | Director: Andy Palmer | Writer: Cameron Bender, Kathryn Lyn, Andy Palmer | Music: Chad Rehmann | Starring: Cameron Bender, Kathryn Lyn, Rachelle Dimaria, Carlos Alazraqui

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